When my bread machine broke...

...that was it. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I lost it. I was done. I was sick of things breaking all.the.time. I was sick of taking care of everyone including myself being sick for 4 months. I was exhausted from having an average of 6 hours of broken up sleep. I was sick of dealing with another culture and was blaming them for all things breaking. I was tired of being a single parent every other week because of a travelling husband. I was sick of no one caring or noticing all that I do and screamed, "People would care if I stopped doing everything I do! If I stopped, then people would notice!"

I cracked. And my husband knew it. He's so good to me. He lets me throw my tantrums like a 3 year old, doesn't judge, then just sits down with me. I wanted to be alone, so he left me alone. A few minutes later, he came in the room and said, "Look this doesn't fix anything. I'm not trying to fix anything, but I booked you a night at the hotel we like so that you can spend time alone and get some sleep." What?! No! I haven't planned for that! I want to get hyped up for something like that and plan out every minute. Yeah, I said that!!

It was then that I realized I am SO ungrateful. Yes, I was overly tired and really did need a night to myself, but that never means I'm entitled to anything! Britton was right. A night away wouldn't fix anything. The bread machine would still be broken when I got back, but I am more than grateful to him for reminding me that things don't need to be fixed. I needed rest. I needed a break. And I needed to be grateful. I needed fixing. The Lord needed to change my heart to be more grateful for an incredible husband who was sensitive to me. I needed to be more grateful that although I hadn't had a consistent night of good sleep in months, I still have the opportunity to take care of kids. I am reminded that they are a blessing and to have them is a gift. I needed to be grateful for the culture I live in that the Lord cares about these people and loves them. I needed to be grateful that these people know how to do a lot of things right and not focus just on the things they do 'wrong.'

We all have our breaking points. If you don't, then stop reading and go write a book about it. It's how we handle those breaking points that keep us going. I did not handle mine well. My husband literally redeemed me. He helped me breathe. He helped me re-cooperate. He helped me to keep moving forward and not stay broken. I'm thankful for the little things. I'm thankful for overall healthy kids. I'm thankful for this unique situation I'm in. I'm thankful for new bread machines. In the last month, we've had a broken bread machine, broken oven, broken door, and broken toilet. I'm reminded of the verse, "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever" (Isaiah 40:8).

Since all those things breaking, we got a new bread machine, the oven got fixed, the toilet became massively unclogged just in time for visitors, and our door got fixed after locking myself out of the house for an hour and a half when the boys should have been napping and Britton was way out of town (whole other story!)! We have 3 guys currently visiting us from the states, and we are so grateful for the extra light in our lives. We've been sick for 4 months straight, and this is the first week we have ALL been well! Our weather forecast is clouds and rain, but yesterday the sun busted through the clouds as if our friends' extra presence brought out the sun. For the last 4 nights, Grady has slept through the night so I have too! It seems menial, but the Lord has brought healing to our home and spirits just by having more 'light' from like-minded people.

It's truly not worth breaking down over broken things. The Lord is always faithful to provide for our needs, and I want to come out of frustrating times as Job did still praising the Lord. I don't want to come out more frustrated and still broken.

You may not be able to get away to a hotel for a night (and that's a treat for anyone!), but a retreat can happen in other ways. And don't read this post and think "man, my husband would never do that," because I would read a post like this and say the same thing about my husband. That kind of pressure shouldn't be on him. Maybe you can just get out for lunch by yourself. Don't feel bad to ask for help! We all need it. Maybe you can plan a night of all things 'retreat' once kids are in the bed. Maybe you can walk around a park somewhere and breathe some fresh open air. Whatever you can do, do it. It's worth taking some time to take a break and evaluate your heart. It's worth stepping away from the daily grind and recharging so that those around you are better off. Sometimes you just need to take a breath, inhale the Holy Spirit, and keep moving forward in His power.

Yeah. Amazing husband.

I think the only thing better than this room to myself was the AMAZING cheeseburger and fries I got delivered to my room. The bun tasted like it had been dipped in butter. I went to the indoor pool too, but it was a bit cold for my liking. I enjoyed the in-room Jacuzzi instead.

I came home the next day to 4 baskets full of laundry perfectly folded. I'm blessed.

Maybe the next time something breaks, it will be an opportunity to have a better attitude. I'm sure that will be in the next 24 hours :o)